Adapted from an old family recipe for ‘Stress & Over-complicating Things’
3 young children (any combination is good but I like 4-year-matured son with twins (no fresher than 18 months).
Full-time work in front of a computer.
Begin early in the morning. Apply 4-year-olds’ (4YO) finger to face repeatedly until body wakes up with a start. (This is important: a slow relaxed start may spoil the recipe.)
Sift out any exercise and put aside. You won’t be needing it.
While Wife prepares 4YO, mix clothing and apply to various sets of limbs. Order is not important as long as self and twins can move independently. Set aside while preparing breakfast. Apply breakfast to face-holes while providing quality entertainment. Own brekkie is optional.
Take freshly prepared 4YO and insert into car, by force if necessary. Extract 4YO from car, by force if necessary. Place into Kindergarten for six hours or until golden brown and muddy.
Bring self to work and apply self creatively and vigorously for 10 hours, stirring brain the whole time. Pour in whole bottle of Energy Drink. (This does nothing, but separates the phlegm nicely.) Ensure workplace has a side of succulently talented individuals to keep you on your toes. Add chocolate and empty carbohydrates to taste.
Return body from work. Brain may need to stay in a little longer until completely cooked through. Soften with children’s hugs. Stuff mouth with lovely dinner [mod. by ‘editor’]. Rinse children and place in bed to simmer until 1am 3am morning.
Apply liberal amounts of procrastination (nothing ever got cleaner than before starting a project). Begin by tidying workshop. Swear to self that the next project will be done cleanly, and tools will go away each night. Leave tools to sit for another night.
When first layer of procrastination is hard, browse through inspiration scrapbook. The longer you look, the thicker the Block will be (substitute with interwebs—there’s nothing like a 14-year-old artist with the talent of Michelangelo to bring things to a boil). Remove from heat when Block is solid and feeling like there are no ideas left unclaimed in the world. Sit and stew.
Combine BASE and TOPPING & there you have it: a tough indigestible Block that you’ll never get through. Enjoy!*
To clean up Block, just start. Start anywhere. Start with no destination in mind. And always be prepared to start again. In most cases, this will clean up all undigested traces.
*If all else fails, season with bacon (because everything’s better with bacon).